There are many different experiences around pregnant sex. For some, there are pregnant fetishes, others desire their pregnant partner even more during this time and we've also heard that some people don't find their pregnant partners as attractive during pregnancy. That last one always makes me sad.
For the pregnant person, some have greater orgasms and others have trouble orgasming altogether. Every body, every relationship and every circumstance is different so of course we'd all have different experiences.
For me personally, I come from a history of distorted eating and body dysmorphia so I wondered if I'd have any triggers during this pregnancy. In the past, my body dysmorphia got in the way of intimacy. I didn't feel good enough in my body so I didn't want my past partners to see me naked. Sadly I know how common that is...and I did have a trigger during my 2nd trimester. When the scale tipped over 200 pounds something inside me instantly started thinking, "How will I be able to lose this weight?" I hated having such a vain thought (especially when carrying a child!) and that made me spiral further. Good news is I have a therapist now and a much deeper relationship with myself to even track these thoughts in the first place. When I struggled 6 or 7 years ago I was very much in denial. So, this time I tackled it head-on and felt much better.
I'm also one of the lucky ones who gets told on a regular basis how beautiful she is and how loved she is by her husband. Thomas never misses an opportunity to make me feel good about myself. So with a great therapist and a loving husband, we got over the 2nd trimester weight gain realization and sex was still great.
Then enter 3rd trimester. The 3rd trimester belly gets so big that you can barely move. Let alone enjoy the bedroom acrobatics you may have prior to pregnancy. That's when most changed for me...and with that I'll move to some of the questions we've received and get into the details that way.
1. Are you afraid of 'hitting' the baby during sex?
This question always makes me laugh. We definitely joked about this during the first trimester, but we were never really afraid. Thomas especially. I think he was able to just compartmentalize (like most men can). After we found out we were pregnant, I remember asking him if it was weird when we have sex and it was like I'd just asked him if it's weird putting ketchup on fries. 😂
2. Is it awkward knowing you have a baby in you?
Sometimes when my mind wanders during sex or right before we have sex, I'll be like this is a little strange, but once I'm in the zone, I don't really think about it anymore. At that point you're just enjoying yourself and I guess I was able to even forget I'm pregnant. Which is kind of a nice change of pace after 9 months of thinking about your baby and your pregnant body majority of the time.
3. Has your sex drive changed?
Yes. And I feel guilty about it. I'm definitely not 'in the mood' as often and it probably takes longer for me to get aroused. I check in with Thomas often because I like having an open dialogue about how we feel. Sometimes I ask him if it's okay that we aren't having sex as often (and while I know it's 'okay') I like to give him the opportunity to express himself and hear if anything is affecting him. He usually says something like.... I'll have sex with you anytime anywhere, but of course it's okay and all good!!
4. Do orgasms feel more intense during pregnancy?
Unfortunately, I didn't get this superpower. Orgasms are actually less intense! And they are harder to reach, which can be frustrating. This mainly started happening in the 3rd trimester. It's like the angle up the roller coaster is steeper and the climb is slower. Sometimes, I don't even make it to the top of the hill... it's like the roller coaster just slowly rolls back down. And I'm left looking up at the top of the hill wondering why I couldn't get there. This could also be why my sex drive is lower because it's not as fun to be so close and then not achieve climax. Demotivating.
5. Did the hormones effect you?
Hormones definitely effected me. Guessing hormones also have a lot to do with sex drive, orgasm too. Plus, I had mood swings, irritability and random days of sadness. Luckily Thomas is used to me being emotional as is, so as long as I express myself to him I usually feel much better.
6. Are you having less or more sex?
Since I kind of addressed this in question 3, I will say that although we have less sex, we are getting more creative. In the 3rd trimester I'm not as interested in penetration (big belly) so we've been exploring more with mutual masturbation or just foreplay in general. The bright side of trying new things is we're exploring our intimacy in a whole new way! Plus, as I always say, connection and intimacy goes far beyond the bedroom. Emotional intimacy is getting a front seat right now and I think that's pretty important right before a baby comes!!
So, whether you're pregnant, been pregnant, or may be pregnant in the future, just know that every experience is "normal" because there is no "normal."